I had to break-up. Please don't judge me and call me a bitch. Please don't think that I get pleasure in breaking people's heart. I am no sadist. But, I am no masochist either.
I had inflicted enough pain on myself by staying in the relationship. I knew he loved me but, he wouldn't say it. I wasn't imagining things, a woman knows when someone loves her. Or may me he doesn't, who cares? Sick of thinking about it constantly. I could have waited. I did for a long time. But, there comes a point when you know that one step forward is love and one step backward is treachery. I always knew it wouldn't work out. We were too different to be together. But, my heart and mind just don't seem to get along. They don't talk, there is a communication gap and I am the one who suffers.
Yeah, about not being a masochist. I tried to love him unconditionally and without any expectations. I know that is what love is about. Unfortunately, relationships on the other hand, are about expectations, words promises and fulfillment. Yeah, love comes along too but, there are other things in a relationship as well.
So, I will not show a white flag and surrender in love. I think that's is a line from one of Dido's songs. But, as far as this relationship is concerned, I am sick of not being in love in return.
And, that's about it.
And about the "bitch" thing, I am not because I can't be. I tried to work it out but, there comes a point when enough is enough. He should have understood. I am not the only one who has to.
I may not find anyone who loves me, who may not care about me even as much as this guy did, in a lifetime. But, I am 22 and young enough to know, it is big world out there. I will find happiness in something, but here, I give up! Done with it for good!
Yours "no-so-bitchily",
Not-a-Masochist
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